Vote for The Drunk Driver Guy

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Election day for county executive is fast approaching. Did the primary election actually give us two candidates worth choosing from? There are many people who will say yes.

I got a call the other night from Mayor Tom Barrett. He wanted to discuss local politics, which is one of my favorite subjects. But as I tried to get in the conversation, the mayor just kept talking like he wasn't even listening to what I had to say. He was recommending that I vote for Chris Abele. But because the mayor would not let me get a word in edgewise, I think I will have to think this over.

First, Abele doesn't really have a lot of experience. Well, we all have to start somewhere, so this really isn't too much of a drawback. But what about the guy's character? He started out as a lefty, was trying to market himself on TV as a middle-of-the-road nonpartisan guy. Does he think he's fooling a bunch of boneheaded voters? Maybe. But let's discuss the drunk driving issue. It was 15 years ago and who hasn't driven drunk? The short answer is: a lot of responsible people. Lefties are willing to let this slide so that they can elect Abele as the anti-Scott Walker. He paid his fine and we know that drunk driving in Wisconsin is not really a crime. Especially the first few offenses. And he did pay his fine. It took seven years, but no one is claiming that it is still outstanding. What a fine young lad.

But what about the rest of the anti-Republican sentiment? The Democrats paint Republicans as a bunch of aristocratic out of touch rich people who cannot connect with the common person in the County of Milwaukee. But isn't that exactly what Abele is? He cannot be more disconnected. He cannot be more out of touch. Any commoner would know that they would have to stuff a bunch of quarters in a parking meter if they were parking in the city during business hours. But not Abele. He would rather pay the 10 bucks in a parking ticket a few months later than walk around with a pocket full of quarters. Or as those rich out of touch people call it, chump change.

Abele also does not pay any taxes. Taxes are for the little people. And of course they would have to be raised to give raises to people who haven't received them in a couple of years. I'm referring to the top-level management of government. Not those commoners in the private sector who haven't received a raise since the recession began or the regular bureaucrats who had to pick up a fuel furlough days to justify their salary cut.

Abele has learned at least one valuable lesson-if you can pay your way out of a problem, you don't have a problem. Fortunately he was given enough money by his parents or grandparents who had to do all the work. Like Paris Hilton, Abele is a good case for why we need the inheritance tax.

Well Mayor Barrett, if you call me again, let's have a conversation. Perhaps we can discuss politics over a beer, we can even bring Chris Abele. I'm sure he'd be willing to buy the first few rounds. Party on!

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