A 25-YEAR SEWER PLAN. The latest style in jacked-up basements for smart people.

Published on: 2/10/2011


Don't forget the sump pumps.


A 25-year roof plan would mean a leaking roof for each of the 25 years and maybe some new leaks.  But a 25-year sewer-leaking basement ain't so bad, if you don't think about it and you adjust your sense of smell—Clorox don't smell too bad.


If you are retiring today at 65, in 25-years you'll be lucky if you'll be getting any social security checks, and you'll be 90 then. You might not even remember many of those bad basement leaks during past years,


But before that, we are promised an asteroid hit right on Capitol Drive It's central point will be from Oakland Avenue East to where Lenny is sitting on the edge of Atwater Park. And that will crack the earth in two, right there. I heard that straight from a Russian scientist 25-years ago.


But I thought it was just communist propaganda then. Sorry Leonardo, that's the way its going to be, leaky basements and all.


So we'll get raw sewage explosions from below our basements and asteroids from above our chimney tops. There's the basis for a great movie script, if we don't wait too long to write it.


How long is a 25-year span? Let's put it this way, if a child is born in Shorewood today, he/she will have finished her/his master's degree or should be well into finishing his/her medical studies or into Ph. D. work   If she is studying law, she should have a job with a good law firm by then.


That's if the asteroid doesn't slam down, or the sewers don't explode into our basements by then. That's another way of measuring the length of 25 years.


Well, I guess we could put up with leaky basements and raw sewage for that length of time. Maybe that's better than sitting in Congress or Madison making that messy political sausage for 25 years.


But a faster solution might be to jack up our houses about another 4-feet, 5-feet would be better, fill in the basements with water-absorbing stuff and put all the utilities in the attic. We could do that in a couple of years or better. That beats the 25-year plan.


One could jack up the house 10-feet and use the space below for parking cars and hanging the utilities from the ceiling. That's a good design problem for architectural students. We could landscape it and put in an elevator for grandma or for pa when he comes home with arms full of groceries.


'Just think, that would eliminate spring basement cleaning every year and all the junk that the kids accumulate in basements all during the year. Of course, the kids would have to find a different place to hang out. But . . .


A 25-year plan? At my age, this is the way I do it. A 5-year plan and with each year that passes, I attach another year to the far end. I don't detail-plan those added years because my Doc seems surprised to see me at each annual exam. He shakes the dust off the file before he reads the stuff that's it in.


Let see, the last time you were in, you had a pain in your back. How's that doing?”


O.K.. O.K.,I have other pains but I'm too busy concentrating on jacking up my basement, I mean my house to feel any pain anymore. Working on sewers and the basement is better that them pain pills.”